i should have washed your face
your hands
your beautiful hands
that washed mine so many times
that held and healed
so many more times than hurt
me.

i should have washed your body
straightened your clothes
prepared you
i should have lain with you longer
held you longer
gently closed your mouth and
twined your fingers in mine
so they rigor’d in the act of being loved

instead, i let you go, bedraggled and dead
to men unknown to me
"professionals" who carried you away
and made you "presentable" for burial
forcing chemicals into you
to chase away your precious blood
all that is beautiful about being human and alive
the mechanics of being wounded and healing
the physical apprehension of life and death
the body's own miracles
so you would not rot
but remain captured in time
imprisoned, pristine, for all eternity

you did not want that!
who wants that?

i want to lie with you
wrapped in the roots of our trees
drinking the water they pass to us from rain, the river, each other
watching the flowers grow upward in spring
laze in summer
and return to their roots in autumn
and then

in winter slowing, sleeping
slowly freezing
breath vaporizing
hearts stopping
together

there are moments
hours, days, weeks even
i want to die and be with you.